I am blogging this morning in the wee hours before the sun comes up, not a soul is stirring in the house, even Jersey the faithful Lab feels it is too early to be up. I am fine with that, I enjoy my time alone when I can gather my thoughts and think. I get my best thoughts while sitting on the couch wrapped up in my old quilt drinking coffee and just enjoying the quiet.
This particular morning I am deep on thought about Terry's grandparents Mel and Jean Droppers. Yesterday we celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. I don't know about you, but it makes me think about a lot in this world, a lot that people take for granted and it makes me wonder about the world I am raising my children in. The truth be told, Grandma and Grandpa Droppers are the reason Terry even got a second date. For those of you who are not familiar with our situation when I met Terry he had five kids the oldest Blaine was 17 and Chestiney was just 19 months old. Our first date was in Sioux Falls and it was at the zoo, you know those dates, the ones you plan at a public place in case you just want to run. I remember that he was cute and there was something about his just returning from war that was kind of appealing, you can ask my mother, for some reason I have always been a sucker for a man in uniform. Terry, having five kids when we met and the fact that he had been married twice before wasn't exactly working in his favor and after how my first marriage ended in a train wreck I was a little gun shy. However, when walking into the zoo I had little knowledge of the person I was meeting and I was nervous.
Terry and I wondered around the zoo making small talk while we both were looking for the right way to ask the questions we really wanted to know the answers too. For those of you who do not have children, dating when you do is complicated, not only do you have to worry about your feelings, you have kids in the equation and all the baggage that comes with that ( and the list is bigger than one might think). However, while we were walking through the zoo Terry started talking about his grandparents and the love they had for each other, and the love they have not only for their kids but for the kids they fostered in their home. He told me the story of his grandfather making a carousel in the front yard for his grandmother because she loved them so much. He talked about his grandfather's faith in God and how even when Terry doubted everything in his life his grandfather was right there with a verse and encouraging words. Terry talked about going to Iraq and coming home to an empty house with only a dining room table in it and how in his darkest hour it was his grandparents love for one another that let him know that things would get better and there was someone out there for him......................it was then I decided I wanted that someone to be me.
Mel and Jean, I want to thank you, you are an inspiration in a time when no one see marriage as forever anymore. When couples change partners like they change shoes and kids are bounced from one relationship to another without a second thought. Your faith and unconditional love is never ending and everyone of your grandchildren look at your marriage and wish to have one just like yours. I am honored to know you and blessed to be one of your family. There isn't a day when I don't thank God for the values you instilled in my husband and I strive to be the parent to my children that you were to yours.
Grandpa you said that that you had two words for us Give and Take. To give and also to take, not just the good but to take everything and then to think about what was given to us before we spoke harsh words. That is why you and grandma have weathered all the storms thrown your way in the last 60 years. It is and always has been about the GIVE and TAKE................................
Monday, November 22, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Ramblings from a procrastinator...................................................
There are several things going on in this world today that are news worthy and several things that are important enough to deserve to be blogged about but for some reason those escape me today. It seems like I have several great ideas while I am driving down the road or after I have gone to bed at night and I think I will remember what I thought was so important later, but I don't. So here I am sitting in my favorite spot on the couch trying to put my thoughts in order so they make sense to those of you not able to speak "kittish".
So due to all the drama and craziness that has come through my doors this last year I spent the day truly thinking about what I have or have not accomplished in my life. Part of this I think is brought on by the fact that this year I will celebrate my 28th birthday for the 12th time ~ you can do the math but seriously age is but a number and the last time Terry and I went out I seriously had to get out my ID to prove that I was indeed 39. I guess that should make me happy and to be honest I am a little amused but really I am just bored. I am bored with several things in my life and I think I may be hitting a midlife crisis, I haven't really ever heard stories of women having a mid life crisis but I think I may be smack dab in the middle of one. So I ask myself ~ why? It is not like this year has been stressful at all, I mean between Terry's stroke and just trying to keep ahead of the six kids still at home I often wonder to myself if I am in reality or is it just a drawn out bad dream, I wouldn't call it a nightmare as I haven't yet left the house naked, just saying.
However, there are also times in life where I ponder the bigger questions that have always eluded me like just how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Also just who really did let the dogs out? And where do all the socks go that don't come out of the dyer? And why do the kids think they can pull one over on me? Seriously the list goes on and on and on and on ......................... but you get the point.
Then there are times I wonder if I am doing enough, enough for my kids, my husband, my family. Am I showing them enough love, teaching them what they need to know when they leave my nest? Am I setting an example for them to follow or are my actions and words confusing them? Will they look back on their life with me and smile or will they run the first chance they get?
I guess and the end of the day it is what it is, a crap shoot and with that I will end my rambling for the day.
So due to all the drama and craziness that has come through my doors this last year I spent the day truly thinking about what I have or have not accomplished in my life. Part of this I think is brought on by the fact that this year I will celebrate my 28th birthday for the 12th time ~ you can do the math but seriously age is but a number and the last time Terry and I went out I seriously had to get out my ID to prove that I was indeed 39. I guess that should make me happy and to be honest I am a little amused but really I am just bored. I am bored with several things in my life and I think I may be hitting a midlife crisis, I haven't really ever heard stories of women having a mid life crisis but I think I may be smack dab in the middle of one. So I ask myself ~ why? It is not like this year has been stressful at all, I mean between Terry's stroke and just trying to keep ahead of the six kids still at home I often wonder to myself if I am in reality or is it just a drawn out bad dream, I wouldn't call it a nightmare as I haven't yet left the house naked, just saying.
However, there are also times in life where I ponder the bigger questions that have always eluded me like just how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Also just who really did let the dogs out? And where do all the socks go that don't come out of the dyer? And why do the kids think they can pull one over on me? Seriously the list goes on and on and on and on ......................... but you get the point.
Then there are times I wonder if I am doing enough, enough for my kids, my husband, my family. Am I showing them enough love, teaching them what they need to know when they leave my nest? Am I setting an example for them to follow or are my actions and words confusing them? Will they look back on their life with me and smile or will they run the first chance they get?
I guess and the end of the day it is what it is, a crap shoot and with that I will end my rambling for the day.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Procrastination..............
Procrastination, yep guilty of it, it seems like all summer I have been looking at my blog page with a blank stare that at some point turns into procrastination. I have not been able to come up with a single thing to say, for those of you who know me you will think I am making that up but I am not, my mind has seriously had lots of thoughts but I have not been able to get them down onto my computer. Lately, I have been having some wild dreams and I think it may be my brain on overload because I haven't written down my thoughts lately so now that we are turning from summer to fall and I am armed with several "blog worthy" stories, some good, some bad, some ugly but I promise not to disappoint.
Well, George Lopez is coming on followed by According to Earl so I had best call it a night - see there it is P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N.
Later
Well, George Lopez is coming on followed by According to Earl so I had best call it a night - see there it is P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N.
Later
Monday, April 19, 2010
Seriously, Dude?!?!?!?
Well, it has been a whirlwind couple of weeks at our household. I am so looking forward to things getting back to normal, getting back to being able to sleep at night. I have to admit, in some areas I am not as strong as I thought I was and in others I am stronger. This has been a journey for me as well as a turning point in my life. I will not ever take for granted what I have been given. Every day I have is a gift, my husband and children are blessings so are my friends. I can not express enough thanks and gratitude to those of you who called or stopped by. Those of you who reached out to my kids to let you know you were thinking of them. Those of you who reached out to Terry, we are blessed beyond words by each and every one of you.
I spent Friday in the Heart Hospital with Terry. He had his heart surgery and I am completely surprised by the care and treatment they they provide there. We walked in at 4:45 am on Friday the 16th and were released by 10 am on Saturday the 17th. It was harder for me at the Heart Hospital than when we were at McKennan, mainly for the reason that they were messing with my husbands heart and I was completely exhausted. It has been a busy two weeks with Prom and Hospital stays and trying to keep ahead of the kids. Listening to my husbands jokes about stroking out, bleeding out and everything else medically related to his current situation. Terry deals with stress and what worries him by cracking jokes, normally I do too, but not about this, couldn't about this. Anyway, while waiting to be checked into the hospital on Friday he asked how I was feeling, to which I promptly replies "Well, better now seeing how this can go one of two ways. Number one I walk out of here with you tomorrow morning and on to a new life or number two I get to redecorate the house, either way it is a win win situation". Terry was speechless, yep I got him with humor and he didn't know if he enjoyed it or not - yep he got a taste of his own medicine.
While we were in the hospital I had seen several families with situations so much more complicated and dangerous than ours, I felt guilty passing them in the hall. Not guilty for Terry getting to come home with me, but guilty reminders of how lucky I am to be able to walk out of the hospital with my husband, there were families who will not. I felt guilty for feeling stressed out and tired over lack of sleep, when it could have been so much worse. There are no words for the pain echoed on those faces I passed in the hall, God is good and I have been blessed.
Terry and I came home on Saturday and rested, Sunday we had to go to a prayer service for one of Terry's best friend's brother who passed away, he was 35, yet another reminder at how blessed I am. I think being there was hard for Terry, I think it was only then that he realized how easily he could have been the person mourned at a funeral. Life is precious, we never know how long we have. It is too easy to get caught up in trying to keep ahead of everything you think you need in life, only to realize later that everything you need you already have. It leaves me with questions about what, at the end of the day is really important to me, I was surprised by the answers. Terry and I had a long conversation on the way home from the service last night. It was the kind of conversation where you actually turn off the radio and just talk. It was good, it was nice having his undivided attention, we don't get that a lot, but really we should make more time for it. The good news in our house is Terry came home from the hospital on Saturday, the bad news is that there will be no redecorating and I can live with that, I am fine with whatever gets thrown our way this next couple of months as we get our lives back on track, nothing is worse than losing someone you love, I didn't, we will be fine.
However, while leaving the hospital I ran into a twenty something man with a green shirt on that said "$5 Footlong" with an arrow pointing to his crotch area. Are you kidding me, seriously dude, if it is only worth $5, I wouldn't be advertising it, just saying...................................................
I spent Friday in the Heart Hospital with Terry. He had his heart surgery and I am completely surprised by the care and treatment they they provide there. We walked in at 4:45 am on Friday the 16th and were released by 10 am on Saturday the 17th. It was harder for me at the Heart Hospital than when we were at McKennan, mainly for the reason that they were messing with my husbands heart and I was completely exhausted. It has been a busy two weeks with Prom and Hospital stays and trying to keep ahead of the kids. Listening to my husbands jokes about stroking out, bleeding out and everything else medically related to his current situation. Terry deals with stress and what worries him by cracking jokes, normally I do too, but not about this, couldn't about this. Anyway, while waiting to be checked into the hospital on Friday he asked how I was feeling, to which I promptly replies "Well, better now seeing how this can go one of two ways. Number one I walk out of here with you tomorrow morning and on to a new life or number two I get to redecorate the house, either way it is a win win situation". Terry was speechless, yep I got him with humor and he didn't know if he enjoyed it or not - yep he got a taste of his own medicine.
While we were in the hospital I had seen several families with situations so much more complicated and dangerous than ours, I felt guilty passing them in the hall. Not guilty for Terry getting to come home with me, but guilty reminders of how lucky I am to be able to walk out of the hospital with my husband, there were families who will not. I felt guilty for feeling stressed out and tired over lack of sleep, when it could have been so much worse. There are no words for the pain echoed on those faces I passed in the hall, God is good and I have been blessed.
Terry and I came home on Saturday and rested, Sunday we had to go to a prayer service for one of Terry's best friend's brother who passed away, he was 35, yet another reminder at how blessed I am. I think being there was hard for Terry, I think it was only then that he realized how easily he could have been the person mourned at a funeral. Life is precious, we never know how long we have. It is too easy to get caught up in trying to keep ahead of everything you think you need in life, only to realize later that everything you need you already have. It leaves me with questions about what, at the end of the day is really important to me, I was surprised by the answers. Terry and I had a long conversation on the way home from the service last night. It was the kind of conversation where you actually turn off the radio and just talk. It was good, it was nice having his undivided attention, we don't get that a lot, but really we should make more time for it. The good news in our house is Terry came home from the hospital on Saturday, the bad news is that there will be no redecorating and I can live with that, I am fine with whatever gets thrown our way this next couple of months as we get our lives back on track, nothing is worse than losing someone you love, I didn't, we will be fine.
However, while leaving the hospital I ran into a twenty something man with a green shirt on that said "$5 Footlong" with an arrow pointing to his crotch area. Are you kidding me, seriously dude, if it is only worth $5, I wouldn't be advertising it, just saying...................................................
Thursday, April 15, 2010
He's a little bit country, but then so is she..................................
He is a little country and so is she. He whisked her off to prom in a borrowed truck, one nicer than his old dodge, not that she would have minded his truck, she isn't that type of girl. She is confident in who she is and where she is going, she is a farm girl at heart, she the type of girl every mother wants her son to end up with. He picked out a western tux and spent his birthday money on new boots and hat, because he knew she would like it, he in a way is a lot like his father when it comes to making someone feel special. He just showed his daddy up.
Dylan, well, he never ceases to amaze me, just when I think I have figured him out he goes and does something that surprises me. I wish him the best in the world, I hope when he finds the girl he wants to date, that he talks the way about her that he does his prom date. I hope she treats him as well as his date did. I hope for a lot of things, I am a mom and it is my job.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The saga continues.............................
Yesterday we went to see the cardiologist. It was informative, it was honest, and it was hard. It was the realization that no matter how good Terry looks right now; his problem is real and needs to be dealt with. He has two choices, blood thinners for the rest of his life or surgery. He chose surgery, I am scared, I know he is too the risks are small but they are there. The good news is we know what caused his TIA and we now know how to fix the problem. He will be having surgery April 16th.
It is funny what life does to you. Just last week Tuesday I had a melt down over the stress of bills and the water heater and dryer going out within 24 hours of each other. None of that seems important now. It is funny how sometimes it takes a situation like this for you to see what is really important. I would give anything to have my water heater/dryer situation be the biggest problem this week, funny, last week I thought it was the worst thing ever and it nearly pushed me over the edge. God has a funny sense of humor, I think he was saying “that is nothing let’s smack you with some reality”. At the same time God has everything in control and he is using this to teach Terry and me something, we just have to be open to hearing what he has to say and then accepting it.
I am saddened to some degree about the behavior of some family members. This is not about you, it is about Terry, my husband, and it is about my kids and what they are going through. It is about me trying to keep life normal for my kids so that they don’t freak out. I know Terry’s health issues may be rocking your world but it is really rocking theirs. Inappropriate conversations, and catty mean comments, no matter how insignificant to you are wrong, grow up. If you can’t say nice things then keep your toxic attitudes at home. That being said, there are several of you who have been supportive way beyond words and I cannot thank you enough.
For the most part I am fine, as long as I keep myself busy I am fine it is in the times of solitude where I am alone with myself where I become my own worst enemy. The times when I can no longer battle the what ifs that are thrown my direction, those are the times when weakness gets the best of me; those are the times I break down and cry. I don’t let myself have these moments in front of my kids; they look to me for comfort and support. My moments are in the dark of the night long after everyone has gone to bed. I know that I am never alone - God is always with me and he will never let me down but I am also human and even when I know he is there crying with me holding me and my husband and family in his arms and that should be enough, I want it to be enough ...............It will be enough.
I know people are faced with burdens and struggles every day. Mine compared to some are but a drop in the bucket, they really and truly are and I am grateful for that. I just need to vent, so I have.
It is funny what life does to you. Just last week Tuesday I had a melt down over the stress of bills and the water heater and dryer going out within 24 hours of each other. None of that seems important now. It is funny how sometimes it takes a situation like this for you to see what is really important. I would give anything to have my water heater/dryer situation be the biggest problem this week, funny, last week I thought it was the worst thing ever and it nearly pushed me over the edge. God has a funny sense of humor, I think he was saying “that is nothing let’s smack you with some reality”. At the same time God has everything in control and he is using this to teach Terry and me something, we just have to be open to hearing what he has to say and then accepting it.
I am saddened to some degree about the behavior of some family members. This is not about you, it is about Terry, my husband, and it is about my kids and what they are going through. It is about me trying to keep life normal for my kids so that they don’t freak out. I know Terry’s health issues may be rocking your world but it is really rocking theirs. Inappropriate conversations, and catty mean comments, no matter how insignificant to you are wrong, grow up. If you can’t say nice things then keep your toxic attitudes at home. That being said, there are several of you who have been supportive way beyond words and I cannot thank you enough.
For the most part I am fine, as long as I keep myself busy I am fine it is in the times of solitude where I am alone with myself where I become my own worst enemy. The times when I can no longer battle the what ifs that are thrown my direction, those are the times when weakness gets the best of me; those are the times I break down and cry. I don’t let myself have these moments in front of my kids; they look to me for comfort and support. My moments are in the dark of the night long after everyone has gone to bed. I know that I am never alone - God is always with me and he will never let me down but I am also human and even when I know he is there crying with me holding me and my husband and family in his arms and that should be enough, I want it to be enough ...............It will be enough.
I know people are faced with burdens and struggles every day. Mine compared to some are but a drop in the bucket, they really and truly are and I am grateful for that. I just need to vent, so I have.
Monday, April 5, 2010
He's not Superman, and that bugs him............and terrifies me
April 2, 2010, 6:00 pm - that start of the worst journey of my life. It was a typical Friday evening, all the daycare kids had gone for the day and it was just Terry, Kevin and I at home. I had ordered food from the Alcester Steak House for supper and Terry was going to pick it up when it was ready. I was on facebook - checking out what trouble my teenagers were planning for the weekend when I heard this loud crash and my house shook a little. I ran to the basement only to find Terry lying face first on the floor lifeless and not moving. At that moment my life literally flashed before my eyes. Kevin was two steps behind me and without thinking I ordered him to go get Earnest and Cheryl our next door neighbors, mainly just to get Kevin out of the house as I thought Terry was dead. I called 911 and while I was on the phone he started to come to and talk in a slurred voice that sounded like he had been on a 3 day bender. My mind screamed STROKE!!!! My heart sank.
I will never forget the look on his face when he started coming to, I will not even describe the scene as my children read this blog and they don't need to know but it was life changing, it was that gut searing moment when you know that your life has forever changed and you are filled with an over whelming fear. Yeah, that was not a good feeling....................
The paramedics came and took him to Canton and he was then flown to Avera in Sioux Falls. Terry had a TIA better known to those of us not in the medical profession as a mini stroke. The doctor came in later that night and told him that if he didn't make some "life changes" he would not be there to walk his daughters down the isle or see his grandchildren. The reality of that hurts, nothing like the cold hard truth to smack you in the face. It isn't surprising to us what he was told to change, he and I both have to make some life changes that come with bad habits and age, and we were always going to start next week. People, don't wait, you may not have a tomorrow, all we really have is today.
So here we are, Monday, April 5th, still in the hospital, most of that is because he became ill over the Easter weekend. I am doing better now, I no longer have to leave the room to drive the streets of the city so I can cry, the feeling of helplessness is easing some. the need to touch him every 5 minutes while he sleeps is also becoming less and less a necessity to me and more of a habit. Terry is not happy with his new found attention and may be feeling a little smothered (or so he says). I told him that basically if I ever stroke out on him and he has to live with that image in his head, then and only then will he be able to comment on my neurotic habits. Damn, it is hard, those who have been there know, the rest of you I pray it never happens.
So this morning as I sit here waiting for the doctor's to get here to release him and educate us about the medicines and changes he will have to make for the short term and the long term, this is what we know. He had a TIA brought on by a small blood clot that dislodged from a small opening in his heart valve that didn't close on birth like it should. This is not an uncommon situation in men and many have the opening his situation was just irritated by the fact that he smokes, and has high blood pressure, that was also not diagnosed since he did not tell me about the headaches he was having, or the lightheadedness that happened from time to time. It was easy for him to dismiss those things because of the type of work he does. Truth be told, had I not been home that night he would have crawled back up into his recliner and just waited to feel better, that scares me even more. God is good, I was where I needed to be, the first response team in Alcester is top notch and the doctor's everywhere we have been are some of the best in the country.
I get to walk out of the hospital with my husband, many wives don't. My kids still have their father and some of them hopefully a good attitude check. Nothing, nothing, is more important to me than my husband and kids, I have always known that, but now I KNOW that. He will also not be able to ever be deployed over seas again. The soldier in him is upset about that, it was all I could do not to do a naked happy dance down the hospital corridors when I heard that, the only thing that stopped me is the distance between me and 4th floor and possible lock up. The kids are also excited about him having to stay stateside, it has been on their mind since his last deployment that at anytime he could be called up again. He is a 50 cal gunner of top of a Humvee so it is really hard not to feel relief.
Terry says he is upset that he is not Superman and that bugs him, three days ago that terrified me, but no one is invincible and better to learn with a warning, most of this can be fixed and he will go on to live a normally healthy life.
Today when we get home I am making an appointment with my Doctor for a complete work up, to see that is hiding within me that needs to be taken care of. We only have one body and one life, isn't it our responsibility to make sure that we do what we can to keep it running smoothly? Most of us take better care of our cars than we do of ourselves and our cars we can replace.
I will never forget the look on his face when he started coming to, I will not even describe the scene as my children read this blog and they don't need to know but it was life changing, it was that gut searing moment when you know that your life has forever changed and you are filled with an over whelming fear. Yeah, that was not a good feeling....................
The paramedics came and took him to Canton and he was then flown to Avera in Sioux Falls. Terry had a TIA better known to those of us not in the medical profession as a mini stroke. The doctor came in later that night and told him that if he didn't make some "life changes" he would not be there to walk his daughters down the isle or see his grandchildren. The reality of that hurts, nothing like the cold hard truth to smack you in the face. It isn't surprising to us what he was told to change, he and I both have to make some life changes that come with bad habits and age, and we were always going to start next week. People, don't wait, you may not have a tomorrow, all we really have is today.
So here we are, Monday, April 5th, still in the hospital, most of that is because he became ill over the Easter weekend. I am doing better now, I no longer have to leave the room to drive the streets of the city so I can cry, the feeling of helplessness is easing some. the need to touch him every 5 minutes while he sleeps is also becoming less and less a necessity to me and more of a habit. Terry is not happy with his new found attention and may be feeling a little smothered (or so he says). I told him that basically if I ever stroke out on him and he has to live with that image in his head, then and only then will he be able to comment on my neurotic habits. Damn, it is hard, those who have been there know, the rest of you I pray it never happens.
So this morning as I sit here waiting for the doctor's to get here to release him and educate us about the medicines and changes he will have to make for the short term and the long term, this is what we know. He had a TIA brought on by a small blood clot that dislodged from a small opening in his heart valve that didn't close on birth like it should. This is not an uncommon situation in men and many have the opening his situation was just irritated by the fact that he smokes, and has high blood pressure, that was also not diagnosed since he did not tell me about the headaches he was having, or the lightheadedness that happened from time to time. It was easy for him to dismiss those things because of the type of work he does. Truth be told, had I not been home that night he would have crawled back up into his recliner and just waited to feel better, that scares me even more. God is good, I was where I needed to be, the first response team in Alcester is top notch and the doctor's everywhere we have been are some of the best in the country.
I get to walk out of the hospital with my husband, many wives don't. My kids still have their father and some of them hopefully a good attitude check. Nothing, nothing, is more important to me than my husband and kids, I have always known that, but now I KNOW that. He will also not be able to ever be deployed over seas again. The soldier in him is upset about that, it was all I could do not to do a naked happy dance down the hospital corridors when I heard that, the only thing that stopped me is the distance between me and 4th floor and possible lock up. The kids are also excited about him having to stay stateside, it has been on their mind since his last deployment that at anytime he could be called up again. He is a 50 cal gunner of top of a Humvee so it is really hard not to feel relief.
Terry says he is upset that he is not Superman and that bugs him, three days ago that terrified me, but no one is invincible and better to learn with a warning, most of this can be fixed and he will go on to live a normally healthy life.
Today when we get home I am making an appointment with my Doctor for a complete work up, to see that is hiding within me that needs to be taken care of. We only have one body and one life, isn't it our responsibility to make sure that we do what we can to keep it running smoothly? Most of us take better care of our cars than we do of ourselves and our cars we can replace.
Friday, March 12, 2010
My son...........
There are things that happen in your life that kind of wake you up to the reality that life is always moving forward. It always seems to be moving way to fast but this week I realized just how fast. My oldest son Dylan, joined the National Guard. This is an event that brings me both joy and sadness but not for the reasons most people would think.
Most of Dylan's early life wasn't easy, he was stuck with me, a single mother working two jobs most times and dragging him from one bad relationship to another. He spent more of his early years with my parents while I tried to support him since is father choose not to be an active participant in his life. Because of this in some ways he has grown old before his time. That all changed when I met Terry, we were married when Dylan was 14. Dylan gave me away at the wedding and then shortly after his 15th birthday Terry adopted him.
Dylan was always very interested in G.I. Joe's when he was growing up. His interest in the army only increased when Terry became involved in his life as Terry is a member of the National Guard. That brings us to March 9, 2010 when Dylan officially joined the National Guard. To me it was a day of joy as he is taking a step forward in his life and following in his great grandfather's, grandfather's and father's footsteps. I am proud he has chosen to take a step forward and protect this great county I call home, but I am also sad. I am sad because it means that he is about to start a new journey. A journey that will take him away from me and one step closer to being an adult, out in the world all by himself. A world where I go from seeing him every day to seeing him only when he has time for me. I am not ready for that. It seems like just yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital and now he is going to be trained to work in one........
Time marches on, the alternative to that is death and although I would never wish death on my children I do wish that time would slow down a little and let me catch my breath, I haven't even developed our family pictures from 2009 and we are almost a quarter way through 2010. This summer my little boy now grown into a man will leave for basic training and come back to finish his senior year and then he will graduate and I haven't even had time to scrap book the last three years of his life.
I guess I should look on the other hand, I still have five kids left in the nest, one of which just got suspended from school for a week, but that is next weeks blog.
So Dylan, this is for you. From your mother who loves you even if she is a little neurotic I love you and I am proud of you and I know I have to start to let go. It isn't going to be easy for me to navigate into this next chapter of your life but I will do it. Love Mom.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Teenagers
I started this blog to share my trials and tribulations of living in a yours, mine, and ours household. It is a crazy, yet rewarding life, but to be honest I haven't really blog about it. Why, well because many of you may not find it interesting and the truth of the matter is a lot of my life is just plain boring, stressful and some days I just don't want to be a mother. Don't get me wrong, I love my children, ALL of them but some days it is hard not to want to send them off to the first available military school that will take them.
It is no secret in our home town that we hold our kids accountable for their actions, they don't get to run free. The have rules and limitations and no, they do not like it at all. I had one parent recently come up to me at a school function and ask "How do you get your kids to do their chores?" I answered in response "It isn't an option, if they don't do them there are consequences?" The other parent said "then aren't you just really punishing yourself, because my little Johnny would just not do it anyway."
To be clear, I was using chores as an example. For the most part my children are respectful, and hard working. We do not demand that they get straight A's. We expect them to be respectful to us and other adults. That they do there chores and help out when they see others in need. For the most part they do what we expect of them. If their grades are not good they lose their cars and their cell phones, and to be clear on this they have bought their own cars and they pay us monthly for their phones. I am hoping when they leave my house and wander into the big world around them that they realize they are not owed everything they want, that they have to work for it and that it is hard because nothing in life is every really free.
So here is our family rules, you may agree or not, you may chuckle, or you may be glad your kids are grown, but this is what works for us.
FAMILY RULES
1) You will treat us and each other with respect at all times
2) You will do your chores and any additional chores requested of you by either parent. Also you are a team so if your siblings need help - help them instead of telling on them - it may not be "your job" but you are a team and if one of you goes down you all go down.
3) You will do your best in school, it is your job
4) You are not required to participate in sports or other activities but if you do you will not quit during the season because you are too tired, your feelings are hurt or you didn't get the position you wanted. You made a commitment to the team and you will honor it.
5) Cars, cell phones, Video games are a luxury, not a necessity. If you choose not to do your chores or study hard in school you may loose one or all of them.
6) Rules for the cars - in order to enjoy the freedom of your car you will need to maintain a report card where the lowest grade it a C - don't even ask about a high D - the car will not be moving until the next report card where we see improvement.
7) We love you, if you don't like any of these rules feel free to change them in a house that you pay the mortgage on.
8) If at any time you are not able to drive, call us for whatever reason and we promise not to jump you about it until after 8 am the next day
9) If you should ever be arrested for doing something dumb, call us and let us know where you are but don't expect us to bail you out - you did the crime, do the time.
I know that several of you will not agree and that is fine, I am not asking you too. I myself am just sick and tired of people whining about how their children behave and the doing nothing to correct the problem because they are afraid that the kids will no longer "like them". I know that on any given day only about half my children "like me" and I a fine with that, they don't have to love me, although that would hurt a little but I am not supposed to be there best friend, I am their parent, no matter how much of a pain in the arse that may be. I truly do love my children and that is why I expect what I do from them, so when they are older and out on their own they hopefully will understand why we held them accountable.
It is no secret in our home town that we hold our kids accountable for their actions, they don't get to run free. The have rules and limitations and no, they do not like it at all. I had one parent recently come up to me at a school function and ask "How do you get your kids to do their chores?" I answered in response "It isn't an option, if they don't do them there are consequences?" The other parent said "then aren't you just really punishing yourself, because my little Johnny would just not do it anyway."
To be clear, I was using chores as an example. For the most part my children are respectful, and hard working. We do not demand that they get straight A's. We expect them to be respectful to us and other adults. That they do there chores and help out when they see others in need. For the most part they do what we expect of them. If their grades are not good they lose their cars and their cell phones, and to be clear on this they have bought their own cars and they pay us monthly for their phones. I am hoping when they leave my house and wander into the big world around them that they realize they are not owed everything they want, that they have to work for it and that it is hard because nothing in life is every really free.
So here is our family rules, you may agree or not, you may chuckle, or you may be glad your kids are grown, but this is what works for us.
FAMILY RULES
1) You will treat us and each other with respect at all times
2) You will do your chores and any additional chores requested of you by either parent. Also you are a team so if your siblings need help - help them instead of telling on them - it may not be "your job" but you are a team and if one of you goes down you all go down.
3) You will do your best in school, it is your job
4) You are not required to participate in sports or other activities but if you do you will not quit during the season because you are too tired, your feelings are hurt or you didn't get the position you wanted. You made a commitment to the team and you will honor it.
5) Cars, cell phones, Video games are a luxury, not a necessity. If you choose not to do your chores or study hard in school you may loose one or all of them.
6) Rules for the cars - in order to enjoy the freedom of your car you will need to maintain a report card where the lowest grade it a C - don't even ask about a high D - the car will not be moving until the next report card where we see improvement.
7) We love you, if you don't like any of these rules feel free to change them in a house that you pay the mortgage on.
8) If at any time you are not able to drive, call us for whatever reason and we promise not to jump you about it until after 8 am the next day
9) If you should ever be arrested for doing something dumb, call us and let us know where you are but don't expect us to bail you out - you did the crime, do the time.
I know that several of you will not agree and that is fine, I am not asking you too. I myself am just sick and tired of people whining about how their children behave and the doing nothing to correct the problem because they are afraid that the kids will no longer "like them". I know that on any given day only about half my children "like me" and I a fine with that, they don't have to love me, although that would hurt a little but I am not supposed to be there best friend, I am their parent, no matter how much of a pain in the arse that may be. I truly do love my children and that is why I expect what I do from them, so when they are older and out on their own they hopefully will understand why we held them accountable.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
My other Love
Yesterday I talked about my husband the Ostrich, he is not amused with this new nickname but then he shouldn't have forgotten Valentines Day either ;o). See the winking smiling face? I am not angry anymore, but I will remember it for years to come. Even when I am angry with him he is a good man. However, he has a jealous side. He is terribly jealous of my best friend and my other love, my Blackberry, her name is Crazy Jane.
Crazy Jane is sleek and pink, compact and best of all she is ALWAYS there for me no matter what. Ready and willing to take on the next challenge. Crazy Jane keeps me organized, she entertains me, lights my way in a power outage but best of all she keeps me connected with the outside world. Crazy Jane lets me tweet and face book anywhere my heart desires and when you have as many kids as I do that is a plus as I never seem to get any quality computer time during the day. She also has many features and bells and whisltes and she has some interesting alret tones, which I so love. I can have a tone for every little notification known to man and then some. On a good twitter day she sings all day long thus earning the name Crazy Jane.
Crazy Jane has only failed me one time and that wasn't entirely her fault. One day she got to take an experimental swimming lesson in the toilet thanks to my then 6 year old step daughter, who was extremely surprised when she sank instead of floating. My husband was overjoyed when his arch nemesis was down. Her poor dark screen a reminder only to what we had before her plunge into the realms of the germ laden toilet. However, two days later the FedEx driver brought me a new bundle of plastic pink joy and I was up and running. Some how I truly feel that the ostrich's hands were not so clean in the whole toilet incident, just saying..........
Crazy Jane is sleek and pink, compact and best of all she is ALWAYS there for me no matter what. Ready and willing to take on the next challenge. Crazy Jane keeps me organized, she entertains me, lights my way in a power outage but best of all she keeps me connected with the outside world. Crazy Jane lets me tweet and face book anywhere my heart desires and when you have as many kids as I do that is a plus as I never seem to get any quality computer time during the day. She also has many features and bells and whisltes and she has some interesting alret tones, which I so love. I can have a tone for every little notification known to man and then some. On a good twitter day she sings all day long thus earning the name Crazy Jane.
Crazy Jane has only failed me one time and that wasn't entirely her fault. One day she got to take an experimental swimming lesson in the toilet thanks to my then 6 year old step daughter, who was extremely surprised when she sank instead of floating. My husband was overjoyed when his arch nemesis was down. Her poor dark screen a reminder only to what we had before her plunge into the realms of the germ laden toilet. However, two days later the FedEx driver brought me a new bundle of plastic pink joy and I was up and running. Some how I truly feel that the ostrich's hands were not so clean in the whole toilet incident, just saying..........
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Valentines Day when married to an Ostrich
I am not sure if this has ever happened to you, but have you ever made such a big deal out of something hoping to garner interest from your family only to be really, really let down in the end? And then when you are that let down you are so hurt that you end up becoming frustrated and angry? Well, welcome to Valentines Day 2010 in our household. I guess today I am using this page as my vent, maybe just for the simple reason that it is Wednesday and I am still nursing my wounds, which normally isn't like me but I can't seem to let it go. It wasn't any one little thing but a series of things which may have been let go but my husband had to go and step in it all over again last night.
To let you know how things operate in this house, my husband can be sort of an ostrich about things(you may know the type, head in the sand oblivious to the world around him), and sadly enough even when the writing is on the wall. My birthday is the day before his, yet for the last three years he has forgotten it completely until something has happened to jolt his memory, normally it is a bat shit crazy wife screaming at him about feelings and being appreciated because I tend to get mildly annoyed. Birthday 2009 and 11 pm he wanted to know why I was still up, so I asked him if he forgot anything that day. Of course being a man he said no, so when I pointed out it had been my birthday all day and he hadn't said anything he said that there were still 30 minutes in the day and he was waiting until 11:59. Whatever. This year the kids made a point to make sure he knew it was my birthday, my 39th birthday, a day before his 40th birthday. It was talked about often. The night before my birthday my 11 year old son brought me his gift, wrapped and all and when my hubby watched me open the present. No comment. The next day while we were watching TV I got a phone call from his ex wife. He wanted to know why she was calling me. I told him because "it is my birthday you dumb arse!" Nothing, just a blank stare. Later that evening when he felt it was safe to come into the same room as me he explained that he never knows what day it is and that I need to remind him in advance so he can be prepared. Mental note - make sure you remind hubby daily when you want something done, I can do that even if it is a little like baby sitting.
Fast forward now to February, 3 weeks after the birthday blow up. I remind him on and off for several days. The night before I give him my present which was an album of the kids and I along with all the reasons we love him. I give it to him the night before as he has to leave for work on Sunday by 6 am thinking this will remind him without me being too pushy. He gets home from work - nothing, not a dang thing. I should add I wasn't asking for a gift or flowers, just a card that he actually had to go and get from the store. Nothing, nothing, Nada, well, I take that back, there may have been some tears and some type of cussing on my part. Kids scattering, even they had got me a card.
Last night my husband came home from work with a gift for me, since he could see I was still seething a little. It was a cute little bag of chocolate covered pretzels, which I thought was nice until he told me they were a re gift from one of the stores he works with. Apparently even the stores he contracts with give him valentines! The man is lucky I love him, today I may not really like him, but I will always love my ostrich.
On a side note the card from the kids was really cute and they had all signed it. I asked the 11 year old where he got the money for a card. This was his response "I was so lucky mom, I found it in the bottom drawer of the buffet, and Mom there are tons of cards in there already signed and everything all you do is pick out the one you need!" Yep, even he re gifted a card. In his defense he did not know that was my keepsake drawer, the thought was sweet even if he is the next generation re gifter!
So, in conclusion, venting is good. In a way, when I look back now there was some humor in the day, even if it didn't go the way I wanted I know I am loved. And that my friends was the rest of the story.....for now.
To let you know how things operate in this house, my husband can be sort of an ostrich about things(you may know the type, head in the sand oblivious to the world around him), and sadly enough even when the writing is on the wall. My birthday is the day before his, yet for the last three years he has forgotten it completely until something has happened to jolt his memory, normally it is a bat shit crazy wife screaming at him about feelings and being appreciated because I tend to get mildly annoyed. Birthday 2009 and 11 pm he wanted to know why I was still up, so I asked him if he forgot anything that day. Of course being a man he said no, so when I pointed out it had been my birthday all day and he hadn't said anything he said that there were still 30 minutes in the day and he was waiting until 11:59. Whatever. This year the kids made a point to make sure he knew it was my birthday, my 39th birthday, a day before his 40th birthday. It was talked about often. The night before my birthday my 11 year old son brought me his gift, wrapped and all and when my hubby watched me open the present. No comment. The next day while we were watching TV I got a phone call from his ex wife. He wanted to know why she was calling me. I told him because "it is my birthday you dumb arse!" Nothing, just a blank stare. Later that evening when he felt it was safe to come into the same room as me he explained that he never knows what day it is and that I need to remind him in advance so he can be prepared. Mental note - make sure you remind hubby daily when you want something done, I can do that even if it is a little like baby sitting.
Fast forward now to February, 3 weeks after the birthday blow up. I remind him on and off for several days. The night before I give him my present which was an album of the kids and I along with all the reasons we love him. I give it to him the night before as he has to leave for work on Sunday by 6 am thinking this will remind him without me being too pushy. He gets home from work - nothing, not a dang thing. I should add I wasn't asking for a gift or flowers, just a card that he actually had to go and get from the store. Nothing, nothing, Nada, well, I take that back, there may have been some tears and some type of cussing on my part. Kids scattering, even they had got me a card.
Last night my husband came home from work with a gift for me, since he could see I was still seething a little. It was a cute little bag of chocolate covered pretzels, which I thought was nice until he told me they were a re gift from one of the stores he works with. Apparently even the stores he contracts with give him valentines! The man is lucky I love him, today I may not really like him, but I will always love my ostrich.
On a side note the card from the kids was really cute and they had all signed it. I asked the 11 year old where he got the money for a card. This was his response "I was so lucky mom, I found it in the bottom drawer of the buffet, and Mom there are tons of cards in there already signed and everything all you do is pick out the one you need!" Yep, even he re gifted a card. In his defense he did not know that was my keepsake drawer, the thought was sweet even if he is the next generation re gifter!
So, in conclusion, venting is good. In a way, when I look back now there was some humor in the day, even if it didn't go the way I wanted I know I am loved. And that my friends was the rest of the story.....for now.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Toilet Seat Etiquette
Yes you have read it right, my blog today is about toilet seat etiquette. It could be that I have been snowed in to long, it could be that I have seven kids and a husband who live to apparently make work for me, in any case the lesson for today is toilet seat etiquette.
For those of you who are new to my blog I am a mother of seven children on a yours mine and ours family. The children range in age from 22 to 7 years old and there is never a dull moment at our house. I know you may all read this and think is she for real? Yes, this is my life, the good, the bad and the ugly - believe me, you can not make this stuff up!
Recently due to the amount of snow and wind and the fact that is was only -45 degrees below zero, that is not a miss type. I got to spend some quality bonding time with my family, or at least the kids home at the time and my husband. We had already survived the Christmas Blizzard of 2009 and were finally talking to each other again when the next storm hit. Here is where the drama begins.
I, being the only female in the house at the time with my hubby, the 17 year old and the 11 year old came to notice a disturbing situation that until recently has always been placed on the daycare kids who control the house the better part of most week days. Someone had been dribbling on the toilet seat. I am not so sure why this send me over the edge but it does, actually I know why but I will spare you some of my neurotic feelings about germs in the bathroom. Anyway, I never dreamed at this stage of the game I would have to teach my hubby and children how to properly raise and lower a toilet seat.
I started the conversation to find out that the reason the seat has dribble marks on it was that they do no raise it when they use it. Apparently that is my fault brought on by their fear of leaving the seat up and my subsequent meltdown if found in the up position. That being said they have never been awakened in the middle of the night by a screaming seven year old because she has fallen into the toilet in her state of being half asleep when using the bathroom in the middle of the night.
In the second part of our conversation/my meltdown, I discussed why it is never appropriate to stand at the toilet without lifting the seat and if you can't lift the seat and you do dribble - WIPE IT UP!!!! Also added that hands do need to be washed - ALWAYS WHEN LEAVING THE BATHROOM!!!! I am surprised at this point that my head was not spinning around on my neck as I am pretty sure my family thinks I am possessed, or at least crazy and I am pretty sure that they may or may not be scared of me. I am also pretty sure that the 17 year old has taken to calling me "The Bathroom Nazi" and you know what, if it keeps my toilet seat clean I can live with that.
I am now pretty sure I know why the early settler women went crazy in the Dakotas during the winter, it wasn't from the wind or the snow, it was from man dribbling on the chamber pot and leaving her to clean it up. We will see what the next snow storm brings. The weatherman said we should get ready for the big one that is coming next week - God help us all!!!
For those of you who are new to my blog I am a mother of seven children on a yours mine and ours family. The children range in age from 22 to 7 years old and there is never a dull moment at our house. I know you may all read this and think is she for real? Yes, this is my life, the good, the bad and the ugly - believe me, you can not make this stuff up!
Recently due to the amount of snow and wind and the fact that is was only -45 degrees below zero, that is not a miss type. I got to spend some quality bonding time with my family, or at least the kids home at the time and my husband. We had already survived the Christmas Blizzard of 2009 and were finally talking to each other again when the next storm hit. Here is where the drama begins.
I, being the only female in the house at the time with my hubby, the 17 year old and the 11 year old came to notice a disturbing situation that until recently has always been placed on the daycare kids who control the house the better part of most week days. Someone had been dribbling on the toilet seat. I am not so sure why this send me over the edge but it does, actually I know why but I will spare you some of my neurotic feelings about germs in the bathroom. Anyway, I never dreamed at this stage of the game I would have to teach my hubby and children how to properly raise and lower a toilet seat.
I started the conversation to find out that the reason the seat has dribble marks on it was that they do no raise it when they use it. Apparently that is my fault brought on by their fear of leaving the seat up and my subsequent meltdown if found in the up position. That being said they have never been awakened in the middle of the night by a screaming seven year old because she has fallen into the toilet in her state of being half asleep when using the bathroom in the middle of the night.
In the second part of our conversation/my meltdown, I discussed why it is never appropriate to stand at the toilet without lifting the seat and if you can't lift the seat and you do dribble - WIPE IT UP!!!! Also added that hands do need to be washed - ALWAYS WHEN LEAVING THE BATHROOM!!!! I am surprised at this point that my head was not spinning around on my neck as I am pretty sure my family thinks I am possessed, or at least crazy and I am pretty sure that they may or may not be scared of me. I am also pretty sure that the 17 year old has taken to calling me "The Bathroom Nazi" and you know what, if it keeps my toilet seat clean I can live with that.
I am now pretty sure I know why the early settler women went crazy in the Dakotas during the winter, it wasn't from the wind or the snow, it was from man dribbling on the chamber pot and leaving her to clean it up. We will see what the next snow storm brings. The weatherman said we should get ready for the big one that is coming next week - God help us all!!!
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