April 2, 2010, 6:00 pm - that start of the worst journey of my life. It was a typical Friday evening, all the daycare kids had gone for the day and it was just Terry, Kevin and I at home. I had ordered food from the Alcester Steak House for supper and Terry was going to pick it up when it was ready. I was on facebook - checking out what trouble my teenagers were planning for the weekend when I heard this loud crash and my house shook a little. I ran to the basement only to find Terry lying face first on the floor lifeless and not moving. At that moment my life literally flashed before my eyes. Kevin was two steps behind me and without thinking I ordered him to go get Earnest and Cheryl our next door neighbors, mainly just to get Kevin out of the house as I thought Terry was dead. I called 911 and while I was on the phone he started to come to and talk in a slurred voice that sounded like he had been on a 3 day bender. My mind screamed STROKE!!!! My heart sank.
I will never forget the look on his face when he started coming to, I will not even describe the scene as my children read this blog and they don't need to know but it was life changing, it was that gut searing moment when you know that your life has forever changed and you are filled with an over whelming fear. Yeah, that was not a good feeling....................
The paramedics came and took him to Canton and he was then flown to Avera in Sioux Falls. Terry had a TIA better known to those of us not in the medical profession as a mini stroke. The doctor came in later that night and told him that if he didn't make some "life changes" he would not be there to walk his daughters down the isle or see his grandchildren. The reality of that hurts, nothing like the cold hard truth to smack you in the face. It isn't surprising to us what he was told to change, he and I both have to make some life changes that come with bad habits and age, and we were always going to start next week. People, don't wait, you may not have a tomorrow, all we really have is today.
So here we are, Monday, April 5th, still in the hospital, most of that is because he became ill over the Easter weekend. I am doing better now, I no longer have to leave the room to drive the streets of the city so I can cry, the feeling of helplessness is easing some. the need to touch him every 5 minutes while he sleeps is also becoming less and less a necessity to me and more of a habit. Terry is not happy with his new found attention and may be feeling a little smothered (or so he says). I told him that basically if I ever stroke out on him and he has to live with that image in his head, then and only then will he be able to comment on my neurotic habits. Damn, it is hard, those who have been there know, the rest of you I pray it never happens.
So this morning as I sit here waiting for the doctor's to get here to release him and educate us about the medicines and changes he will have to make for the short term and the long term, this is what we know. He had a TIA brought on by a small blood clot that dislodged from a small opening in his heart valve that didn't close on birth like it should. This is not an uncommon situation in men and many have the opening his situation was just irritated by the fact that he smokes, and has high blood pressure, that was also not diagnosed since he did not tell me about the headaches he was having, or the lightheadedness that happened from time to time. It was easy for him to dismiss those things because of the type of work he does. Truth be told, had I not been home that night he would have crawled back up into his recliner and just waited to feel better, that scares me even more. God is good, I was where I needed to be, the first response team in Alcester is top notch and the doctor's everywhere we have been are some of the best in the country.
I get to walk out of the hospital with my husband, many wives don't. My kids still have their father and some of them hopefully a good attitude check. Nothing, nothing, is more important to me than my husband and kids, I have always known that, but now I KNOW that. He will also not be able to ever be deployed over seas again. The soldier in him is upset about that, it was all I could do not to do a naked happy dance down the hospital corridors when I heard that, the only thing that stopped me is the distance between me and 4th floor and possible lock up. The kids are also excited about him having to stay stateside, it has been on their mind since his last deployment that at anytime he could be called up again. He is a 50 cal gunner of top of a Humvee so it is really hard not to feel relief.
Terry says he is upset that he is not Superman and that bugs him, three days ago that terrified me, but no one is invincible and better to learn with a warning, most of this can be fixed and he will go on to live a normally healthy life.
Today when we get home I am making an appointment with my Doctor for a complete work up, to see that is hiding within me that needs to be taken care of. We only have one body and one life, isn't it our responsibility to make sure that we do what we can to keep it running smoothly? Most of us take better care of our cars than we do of ourselves and our cars we can replace.
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